TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
