i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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