I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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