its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
