Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
