so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
