Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
