Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
