Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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