I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
