we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
