We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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