Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
