if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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