So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
