Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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