wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
