like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
