do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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