Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
