ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
