Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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