I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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