woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
