its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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