i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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