I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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