After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize