You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
