.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
