I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
