On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
