I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
