all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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