Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to make out with him forever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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