weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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