She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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