You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
