she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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