my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
