I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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