today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
