You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
