he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just found puke in my bra..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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