life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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