I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
