I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
