Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
