I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
