I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
