She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize