I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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