party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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