My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
