They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
