just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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