I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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