My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize