upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
3 2 1 whiskey
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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