I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
