ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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