when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
