YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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