My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
